hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
