I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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