Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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