I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
