Are we in a gay sports bar?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
