8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
