How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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