Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
