Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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