I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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