Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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