i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
