my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
