How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
