Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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