So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick