I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.