What a fucking waste of an outfit
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner