Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever