fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off