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i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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