Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies