her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
