why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
