and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
