I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
