not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
its liver damage thursday
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
