i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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