So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
