Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
