..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
