community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
