My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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