Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
