Don't you send me to vm
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
