She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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