tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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