you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
