so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
