Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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