Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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