you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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