BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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