yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
