I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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