no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
