sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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