Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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