You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Michael Bay diarrhea
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
