Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
