..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
