I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
