I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
