im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
