Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would ride that face into the sunset
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