and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
