he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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