just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
