ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
