fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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