just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
