That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
