I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
