So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
