I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
