Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
