I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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