I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
