too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
